On Starting Over
A photo I took last year of the Flat Irons in Boulder, Colorado
My whole life I have felt behind. I stretch my neck looking left and right at the people around me, and I think “Wow, they are so far ahead of me! That person just booked a dream role of mine!”; “That person just released an EP!”; “This person is about to go on a national tour!” Then I look at my own life and I don’t see any of those same accomplishments, none even close. The downward spiral begins at comparison and ends with me feeling so much shame, I can barely pick myself up off the floor.
And yet, I realize only just now that this whole time, while I was looking left and right at everyone else around me, I was looking in the wrong direction entirely. This whole time, I should have had my gaze looking in only one direction: Forward.
Even now as I type these words on my first blog post in years (I wrote a blog for a short time a few years ago), I am comparing myself to other blogs I’ve read, thinking that I’ll never be as good as they are. But then, as the Chinese proverb goes “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is now.”
Starting over is neither glamourous nor easy. It may not make it on the front page of The New York Times, and it may not be the next viral sensation. Yet looking at my life, healing from the past, and starting over is a huge personal accomplishment. I give myself credit for the courage that it has taken for me to create this website, start this blog, and pursue my musical, artistic, and creative dreams. I may not have full confidence that I can do this yet, but one thing I do have right now is courage. For now, courage is all I need.
I am finding my voice again. I am listening to and trusting my heart and innermost desires for the first time in my life. I am letting go of the lies that have held me prisoner for so much of my life, and I am receiving the truths into my heart, body, mind, soul, and spirit that tell me that I am lovable, worthy, and enough as I am.
You too, are lovable, worthy, and enough as you are.
Dear Friend, I hope that as you are reading this, no matter where you are in life, please remember to always look forward. As you find yourself beginning to tilt your gaze to the left or right, I hope you remember to set your gaze forward, and begin to see the light shining towards you.
-xoxo, Kjersti Cooper
